Faith, Tests, and Love
by elizabethnbrown95
Summary: Sequel to "Love Is A Mystery". After 15 years of marriage, they finally hit a rough patch. Will they be able to make it past all of these new obstacles? Is love enough?
1. Chapter 1

**Santana P.O.V.**

"So, how long has it been", my new partner asked politely.

I think for a second, "Almost 15 years. We got married right out of high school."

She smiles, "Weren't you worried it was too soon?"

"All the time, but we still knew it was the right thing", I answered.

She nods, "Any kids?"

I nod back, "Two. Kyle is 18, he is currently going to Stanford. Reagan is 23, she is going for her master's degree at UCLA."

"Stanford? That is very impressive."

I smile to myself, "His mom is very smart, and he gets it from her."

In two days, it will be my 15 year anniversary with Rachel. A lot has happened since the Glee club got together. I decided to become a cop. I remember telling Rachel, her reaction was priceless.

I cleared my throat, "Hey, honey. I was thinking about becoming a police officer."

She chuckled, "A police officer? What made you decide that?"

I pondered this, "When we adopted Reagan and Kyle, and I heard their story I knew I had to help people."

She smiled at me, "You're amazing, Santana."

We kissed lightly.

Married life is hard, it isn't always fun. Rachel and I had plenty of fights, some that made us wonder why we were together. But then she smiles at me, and I realize why I married her.

**Rachel P.O.V.**

"Will, are you sure about this song", I questioned.

He laughs, "Come on, Rachel. It is a classic, the class will love it."

Once again, we are arguing about a song choice. Not an actual fight, we just always have differing opinions.

2 years ago, I started working at McKinley High School. I was added as an English teacher, and I love it. Not only do I get to enrich students' minds, but I also still get to work with the Glee club with Will.

Will clears his throat, "We lost our big voice last year with Landon graduating, why don't we start out with letting the kids chose their own song?"

I nod, "I like that, a lot. I really like Erica, she's shy, but her voice is there."

"I agree", he says with a nod.

The bell rang, and students started filling into the classroom.

I walk over to Will and whisper, "You start today."

He gives me a small smile and clears his throat, "Okay, guys. Mrs. Berry and I decided that it would be nice if all of you guys chose your own song to do."

A boy in the front row raised his hand, he must be new.

I point to him, "What's your name?"

He clears his throat, "Andrew."

I nod, "Andrew. Good, what is it?"

"Can we sing anything or a certain genre", he asked.

Will answers, "Anything. It is all up to you guys."

This is what I love, the first day of a new school year. The first day of Glee Club.

**Santana P.O.V.**

"Kyle, you already blew through all of the money we gave you", I questioned into the phone.

He huffed, "Oh come on. Gas is expensive, plus I broke my fridge."

I laughed to myself, "How'd you manage that?"

"My friend decided it would be really funny to see how much stuff could fit into it, but we didn't realize that the door didn't shut. When I finally noticed, it wouldn't cool off anymore", he answered.

I shake my head, "Of course. I'll talk to your mom, and we will try to put some more money into your account tomorrow, just try not to break anything else. We aren't made out of money."

"I promise I won't break anything else. Tell mom I love her, and I love you", he said fast.

I laugh, "I love you too."

We hung up, and I couldn't help but smile. He's smart like Rachel but does really stupid things like me. It's funny how much we are alike our kids.

I hear the front door open, and I know it's Rachel.

She clears her throat, "Hey, how was your day?"

I turn, "It was decent. I have a new partner now."

She looks at me curiously, "What happened to Lexi?"

I turn back around, "Uh, I don't know. I guess she wanted to switch."

Rachel brushes it off, and she goes to the fridge.

"What do you want for dinner tonight", she asks.

I think for a second, "Do you want to go to a fancy restaurant? We haven't had a date night in a while."

She laughs, "You'd think with this empty nest we'd have date night every night."

I nod, "Let's start tonight then."

She nods, and I grab the phone book to make a reservation.

**Rachel P.O.V.**

A year ago Santana got her first partner, her name was Lexi. The late nights were something I got used to, something Santana warned me about. The friendship between Lexi and Santana was strong, they were more than close. I felt like Lexi got to know my wife better than I do. Hearing that Santana got a new partner, and that potentially Lexi asked for the change makes me a tad paranoid.

I look in the mirror, I'm wearing a nice blue dress. My hair is up, but I'll probably take it down before the night is over. I take one final look before heading down the stairs.

"Wow, you look beautiful", Santana says in awe.

I look down blushing, "Thanks. You look beautiful, also."

When the honeymoon phase wears off and reality strikes, marriage is hard. We fight, and we make up. But every day, we wake up loving each other. Nothing feels more special than waking up to her.

My phone starts going off. I look at the caller ID and see it's Reagan.

"Hey, sweetie", I say.

"Mom, something happened", Reagan said, the worry evident in her voice.

"What's going on", I ask, getting worried myself.

She's starting to cry, "Kyle's friend called me, he said he didn't have either of your guys numbers. Kyle got into an accident, they are saying it isn't good."

I drop my phone, and I stare at Santana, "Kyle got into an accident."

**I already have plenty of ideas for this story, it isn't all bad. I will try to add a new chapter every other day.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Santana P.O.V.**

Numb, I don't feel anything. There's nothing to feel, my son is fighting for his life, and I feel nothing. He will be fine, he has to be fine. Rachel wouldn't even sit near me. She is sitting in the other waiting room with Reagan.

A car accident, Kyle and his friends were racing on the high way. That's out of character for him, but he has been changing. He has been doing anything to fit in. In high school, he always got made fun of for having two mothers. Rachel never understood that, because it was never a big deal for her. She grew up with two fathers, but it was a big deal for Kyle. He wanted a fresh slate in college and doing stupid stuff was part of his way of fitting in.

"Mrs. Lopez", the doctor says loudly.

My head pops up instantly, "Yes?"

"I'm Doctor Lewis, is your wife with you", Dr. Lewis questions.

I look around for Rachel, "She is in the other waiting room."

He nods, "Do you want to get her? I can follow."

I nod, and I make my way to the other room. My legs are moving on their own, I don't feel like I am the one moving them. Rachel sees me, and she gets up. Her eyes are red and puffy, but I don't try to comfort her.

I look back at the doctor, "You can tell us what is going on now."

Dr. Lewis clears his throat, "We did everything we could, but it just wasn't enough."

I couldn't hear him anymore. Everything went quite, except for the screams from Rachel. Reagan held her, and I stood still. The world stopped, and I thought of my beautiful son. The boy with so much life, the boy who kept Rachel and me together.

The car ride home was quite, no one said anything. The occasional sniffle came from Reagan's direction, Rachel sat in the back holding her hand. But I continued to stay quiet, I was still numb. Rachel touched my shoulder, but I felt myself shrug it off.

I walked to my office in the back of the house, and I held close to my heart a picture of Kyle. I still couldn't cry, but I wanted to. I wanted to feel something, but I couldn't. I heard the door open behind me, but I didn't turn. The hand on my shoulder soon turned me around and engulfed me in a hug. I could smell Rachel's perfume, and I felt the tears coming. They fell for so long, I never thought they'd stop.

"It'll be okay", Rachel whispered in my ear.

I pushed her away and anger boiled inside me, "It isn't okay, Rachel. We lost our son. I just talked to him."

Hurt was in her eyes, but I turned away. I sat at my desk and cried.

_3 days later_

**Rachel P.O.V.**

Entering the church felt wrong, it didn't feel right. I was waiting for my phone to ring, to pick it up and hear Kyle's voice. He would tell me how soccer practice was going, and I would nag at him to eat right and keep his grades up.

"Ladies and gentlemen, thanks for joining us today", the preacher started to say.

I tune him out, I sit in the front row. Family and friends are piled into the chairs behind me, but I don't notice them. I am in my own mind, remembering my own memories about him.

Santana walks to the front of the room, "Hi, I am one of Kyle's moms. I don't know what to say, because I wasn't expecting for anything like this to happen. This boy had so much life in him, he could make you laugh without even trying. He was so smart and had so much going for him. I love him, and I'll always love him."

She continues, but I block her out, also. I haven't talked to her since the night Kyle passed away. We have slept in separate rooms and kept our distance. I hear Santana say my name, but I don't move. Reagan squeezes my hand, and I look at her.

"Mom, you can do this. Just speak from your heart, what you want him to hear", Reagan whispers to me.

I stand, "I'm not okay. I don't know when I will be, it hasn't sunk in that I won't hear his voice anymore."

I sit down before I start to cry, and I feel Reagan put her arm around my shoulder. Santana doesn't sit near me, she keeps her distance. I don't blame her.

I walk into my bedroom, and I lay on the bed. The tears don't come, and I don't want them to. The knock at my door is light, and I don't move to open it.

"Rachel, I need you", Santana says lightly.

I feel myself sitting up, but I keep my head down. Santana moves to sit on the bed next to me, and I allow her to. She puts her arms around me, and I melt into her embrace. She lifts my head up and kisses my lips lightly. I kiss her back, but I do it out of pain, not lust. The kiss doesn't last long, but we both are left staring into each other's eyes. I can read what she wants to say to me in her eyes, it was the conversation we were about to get into before the night we heard about Kyle.

The question left my mouth before I could stop it, "You cheated on me, didn't you?"

The nod wouldn't have been noticeable if I wasn't looking for it. I knew the answer to that question before I asked it, but I needed to know for sure. Santana doesn't try to explain herself, and I don't want her to.

I could feel myself stiffen by her touch, "Don't touch me."

Santana's hand moved fast, "I'm sorry."

Anger boiled, but I didn't let it spill. I wasn't going to let her win.

I look into her eyes, "Don't worry about it."

Santana doesn't move, but I can tell she is defeated. But in the end, I felt like I lost two people this week.

**Chapter is over. Next chapter is going to be all about Santana and the mystery girl she cheated on Rachel with. Also, we are going to see life after Kyle. Expect to see more Reagan in the next chapter, also. Things have to get worse before they can get better. **


	3. Chapter 3

_2 weeks later_

**Santana P.O.V.**

"Do you think we can work this out", I ask my therapist hopefully.

Jean rests her head in her hand, "That's for you two to figure out."

I run my fingers through my hair, "I don't know what to say to her to make things better."

She taps her fingers against the side of her head, "You could start by telling her why or apologizing."

I ponder this, "Sometimes I feel lonely, like I'm misunderstood. We've been together for so long, and she knows me better than anyone. But I still feel misunderstood, and I don't know why."

Jean nods, "It's okay to feel like Rachel doesn't understand."

"I want her to understand", I say defeated.

Jean stands and goes to the door, "Try to make her understand."

I took that as my queue that our time was up, and I headed to the door.

I shake Jean's hand, "Same time next week?"

This question has become a regular with the same simple answer behind it, yes.

Going to a therapist wasn't on my top things I wanted to do, but I feel like I have no one to talk to. Rachel hasn't talked to me since she questioned me about the affair. The worst part is, she doesn't even yell. She just sits in her room and reads. Occasionally, she will muster the energy to go to work. Will, Kurt, and of course Reagan are the only people she allows in her room.

I walk through the front door. Like usual, I walk to her room. I knock, praying that she might answer the door, just once.

"Come in", a weak voice answers from inside the room.

I jump at the sound, "Really?"

The answer is barely noticeable, "Yes."

I open the door, and I notice a small figure in the bed. That figure is Rachel, it seems like she has lost so much weight. Figures, because I haven't seen her eat a thing.

I find myself sitting on the bed next to her, "How are you?"

Her eyes flutter open, but she doesn't say anything. I don't expect her to.

"You need to eat something", I say touching her hand softly.

Rachel looks down at my hand, and she intertwines our fingers.

"I miss you", she says barley over a whisper.

Her voice felt good to hear, and I just wanted her to continue talking. I don't care what she says, as long as she is talking.

I kiss her cheek, "I miss you, too."

A small smile creeps onto her face, and my heart leaps for joy.

"I'm going to fix you something to eat", I say smiling back at her.

She doesn't say anything, and I leave the room.

**Rachel P.O.V.**

The thought of getting out of bed makes me ill. I don't have the courage to face my friends, because they are probably laughing behind my back. Once again, poor little Rachel wasn't enough for her significant other. I'm being overdramatic, but it's how I feel. Hurting is an understatement, but the hurt has turned to numbness. Now, I just sit here and stare out the window, once again waiting for the bright faced 18 year old to burst through the doors.

Santana made me chicken noodle soup. The feeling of the warm broth running down my dry throat felt good, and I ate till I couldn't manage to eat another drop.

"You're still a fantastic cook", I say with a smile.

Santana sits on the edge of my bed, "I try."

I yearn for the felling of her hand against mine again, and somehow Santana picked up on that vibe. She grabbed my hand, and we sat there. Both staring out into the yard, both waiting for the same thing. Since this all happened, it was the first time we mourned together, and it felt good.

"I need you, Rachel", Santana says softly.

I look over at her, "I don't know how we can go back to the way we were."

She nods, "I know."

Defeat is written all over her face, and I just want to wrap her into a hug. But I refrain, I can't give in so easily. Love is something I've felt for her since the moment I laid eyes on her, every one said we would get married one day. We did, but then everyone said we got married too soon, and we did.

"Did you ever think about leaving me for her", I question.

Santana looks in my eyes, "No, I never thought about leaving you. It was a momentary lapse of judgement, which isn't an excuse. Lexi listened when I talked, and she made sure I knew that everything was going to be okay. You and I stopped talking, Rach. I didn't know how to talk to you anymore. The kids became our life, and we didn't save time for each other."

A smile crept over my face, and I couldn't tell you why. The fact that Santana was being truthful was nice. She wasn't hiding behind the fact she cheated, she is owning it. But she is also explaining why she felt the need to cheat. We did stop talking, that's partly my fault.

I hold Santana's hand close to my heart, "I'm scared to do this again."

She looks down, "I swear I'll never do anything like this again."

"I don't know if I can believe that. You said the same thing when you cheated on me in high school, I gave you a second chance then. Now, you did the same thing", I say defeated.

Santana looks at the door, "I love you, Rachel. That's not going to change. I'll fight for you; today, tomorrow, and forever. You are the person I want to be with."

I get out of bed, and I sit down next to her. The distance between us is large, but I can't close it, yet. I still feel that electricity I felt when we were teenagers. I'm drawn to her.

"I love you, too", I say before scooting closer to Santana.

Santana meets me halfway, and the little bit of distance between us was closed. Cheating and Kyle were far from our minds for even just a second, we were both intoxicated with being around each other.

I don't expect to kiss her back, but when she kisses me I can't help myself. The feeling of her lips against mine sent shivers down my spine. It didn't take long before the kiss became a make out session, both of us fighting for dominance. Santana winning with no trouble. A knock at the door sent us both backwards, the feeling of her against me still lingering.

"I'll get it", I say standing up.

Santana doesn't fight me.

"Hey", Erica says as I open the door.

"What are you doing here", I question shocked.

She stands back, "You haven't been at school this week, and I just wanted your advice on something."

I open the door a little wider letting her inside, "How'd you figure out where I live?"

Erica clears her throat, "I sort of bothered Mr. Humble about it till he cracked."

I laugh for the first time in it feels like months, and it felt good.

**Santana P.O.V.**

I stand at the bedroom door, watching Rachel talk to this girl. The way Rachel lightens up around her, it must be a favorite student. Even though I know Rachel would never in a million years date a student, paranoia sets in. We are at a rocky place, who says she won't find someone else.

My phone buzzes in my pocket.

_Are we still meeting up tonight? –L_

I click out of the message and delete it immediately. Guilt gnaws at me, but Rachel doesn't need to know.


	4. Chapter 4

**Rachel P.O.V.**

"San, your phone is going off", I yell from the bedroom.

Santana opens the door and sticks her head out, "Can you answer it for me?"

I grab the phone from the table, and the number looks familiar.

"Hey", I say into the phone.

The voice was familiar, "Santana?"

My heart picked up, "Who is this?"

"Lexi", the voice said unsurely.

"This is Rachel", I said calmly.

No reply, and the phone went dead.

The door opens, "Who was it?"

"Lexi", I say nonchalantly.

Santana touches my shoulder, but I push her away. For the first time since we've been together, her touch felt bad. It made me sick, no part of me wanted to be near her.

"Rach, it isn't like that", Santana says desperately.

I muffle a laugh, "What's it like then?"

She lets out a small huff, "I don't know. When Kyle died, I needed someone. You were in a funk, and Lexi kept calling. I took her up on her offer to hang out. I didn't expect it to go any farther than that."

I interrupt her, "So, you cheated on me again?"

This time I hold my hand up, "Don't answer that. Don't say anything."

**Santana P.O.V.**

Honesty, it makes relationships work. I couldn't find it in myself to tell Rachel that I cheated on her again, I didn't have it in me. We have been through so much, she has been through so much. I didn't want to be the cause of another problem. Plus, it meant nothing. But that's what every cheater says, it meant nothing. That isn't going to make her feel good, it will hurt her even more. Because that means I was willing to throw everything away for nothing.

I stare at my beautiful wife, and I feel nothing. Numbness, because I know what she wants to say. She has wanted to say it for so long, but I haven't let her.

Rachel looks at me, her mouth beginning to form words, but then she stops. Once again, I know what she wants to say, but she doesn't even know if it's the right thing.

Finally the dreaded words come out, "I want a divorce, Santana."

The numbness wore off, and it turned to pain. Pain that I've never felt before. How can I fight for someone I don't deserve?

_2 months later_

**Rachel P.O.V.**

"When are you going to start dating again", Kurt asked between sips of his tea.

I grimace, "Come on, the papers have only been signed for a couple weeks now."

Newly single, I don't know if I like the sound of that. It has been 2 and a half weeks since I last saw Santana. We were both bent over countless papers, signing away 15 years of our life. It wasn't a messy divorce, actually it was quite civil. Neither of us wanted anything from each other, just to be able to coexist. Reagan isn't taking it well, but I didn't expect her to. She took my side, even though I told her there was no side to take. Santana is her mother and loves her just as much as I do. But they never really saw eye to eye.

"What are you thinking about", Kurt questions.

"I know you want me to start dating, but 15 years is a long time. I don't know when I'll be ready", I say looking out into the distance.

Kurt grabs my hand, "I know. I'm sorry, I just don't want you to be sad."

I nod, "I know, but I'm going to be sad. I still love her."

Was the divorce necessary? Yes, we weren't getting along. Most would say that Kyle passing away would have brought us together, but it wedged us even further apart. Santana cheating helped me decide that leaving was the best option.

Kurt takes another sip of his tea, "Have you guys talked?"

"Occasional phone call about what I need to pick up from the house. Other than that, no", I say sadly.

"Maybe separating will help you guys find a way back to each other. Clean slate", Kurt says optimistically.

A clean slate sounds good, but can I trust her with my heart again?

**Santana P.O.V.**

Our bedroom held a million memories. I couldn't even begin to talk about them, because I wouldn't know where to start. Rachel proposed that she would move out, find a new house. She wanted me to have the house I helped build. Not with my own hands, but I did draw out the house plan.

A knock at my door startles me, I'm not expecting anyone.

"Hey", Reagan says as I open the door.

I haven't seen my daughter since the divorce was finalized, she sided with Rachel. Not surprising, but it still stung.

Reagan sat her purse on the counter, "Mom wanted me to look through her stuff, see if she might want anything else."

I nod, "I started a box over there."

Broadway, that's all Rachel use to talk about when we first met in high school. It was a dream that she never got to accomplish, and I always blamed myself for that. I had no desire to start a family in New York, the idea made me sick. We broke up a few weeks before the wedding, no one knows that. She wanted one thing, and I wanted another. We couldn't agree on anything, but I decided that I would do anything for her. I agreed to move to New York, but she also agreed to stay. I knew she didn't want to stay, but she knew I didn't want to go. In the end, she was less selfish than me.

"Do you think she'd want this", Reagan questions, holding up a sheet of music.

I grab the music and hold it tight. Before we graduated, Rachel brought in the piano music for a song no one had ever heard of before, and everyone signed it. I remember her saying that when she made it big, every single person that signed that music would be thanked.

Finally the tears came, I miss Rachel. I miss her smell, the way she use to look at me.

Reagan wrapped me into a hug, "It'll be okay."

I pull away, "I don't think it'll ever really be okay."

Rachel wasn't just my wife, she was my everything. She made me believe in myself more than I ever dreamed of.

"I'm going to win her back", I say softly to myself, "I have to win her back."

**This isn't the end, just the beginning. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Rachel P.O.V.**

"Sectionals, that is what we have to look forward to. You guys are a talented group of kids, and I can't wait to see what you guys can do. Before that, I want to hear what you guys want to sing", Will said with a big smile.

Erica raised her hand, "I have a song."

"Great, lets have it."

Erica sang one of my favorites, a Barbra Streisand, "My Man". I remember singing this song myself, back towards the beginning of Glee club. Some people believe it was one of my very best performances, and Erica did this song a lot of justice. Only thing missing was the feeling.

"You sounded great, but do you want to know what would make it better", I questioned.

"Yes", she responded as politely as possible, obviously she wasn't expecting to be critiqued.

"Sometimes it doesn't matter how great your voice is, it might just matter how much you believe what you are singing. I remember some of my best performances had a story behind them, maybe about someone I loved or just about a particularly hard day", I began, "I'm saying you need to find something to sing about and use that emotion in a song."

Santana was my muse; my best performances were when I was with her. Kurt would tell me that it was because I felt the most when I was with her, but I don't know if that is true.

The bell rang, "Okay guys, we will see you tomorrow. I want to hear more of you guys perform. This was a great start though", Will said as the kids began to walk out the door.

"Ms. Berry, I was wondering if I could talk to you for a second", Erica asked.

"Sure, what is it", I questioned as I began to erase the whiteboard.

She looked down at her feet nervously, "What specifically made you sing with emotion?"

I laughed, "oh my, I haven't been asked that in awhile. In high school, I fell in love, sometimes love comes with heartbreak. Some of my best performances were after a heartbreak. I'm not saying you have to fall in love to sing with emotion, I used to also sing about the gratitude I felt for my friends. Find your muse, the emotion will just happen."

Erica smiled, "I think I know who my muse is or is going to be."

The way Erica looked at me seemed all too familiar.

**Santana P.O.V.**

"Come on, Kurt. I need your help", I began to pace, "I need another chance with her."

Kurt rolled his eyes, "All of us have heard this before, Santana. It's not like this is the first time you've done something like this. Rachel needs time, she needs to figure out who she is without you. She gave up a lot to be with you, and I think she deserves the chance to go after what she wants now."

"I want her to do what she wants to, but I also want to be with her when she follows those dreams. I don't remember a time without her", tears began to form in my eyes, "I don't want to picture life without her, Kurt."

The knock at the door made both of us look up.

"Kurt, I have got to tell you-", Rachel paused when she noticed me, "Oh, hey."

The silence was unbearable, all I wanted to do was kiss her. Feel the warmth of her body close to mine, just like it'd been for 15 years. I know the old saying "you don't know what you have till it's gone" sounds cliché, but it's true. For years, I took Rachel for granted. I never realized just how much she did for me; how much she gave up for me. Broadway, her dream, something she'd dreamed about since she was a little girl. She gave that up so we could stay here in Ohio, raise a family. Rachel gave up her dreams for mine, and the best I could do to repay her was with a realization that once again I couldn't be trusted. Once again, she gave her heart to the wrong person.

Rachel could have had anyone; I'll never forget the day Quinn asked her on a date. It was funny, slightly humorous. Quinn always treated Rachel like she was scum, but I guess I did back then, also. I would never have guessed Quinn liked her, though. If I'm honest, I don't blame her for liking Rachel, there was always just something about her.

A couple years into our marriage, there was this girl named Katherine. She was a big time Broadway star, who completely adored Rachel. Another girl that could have treated Rachel better than I have, but she didn't stray. No matter how hard Katherine tried to get Rachel to join her in New York. Rachel never once questioned our marriage, not until she began to question if I was cheating.

Lexi, my partner, was my best friend. She knew everything about me, including my deepest fears and secrets. She knew I was afraid that Rachel would find better and leave, Lexi always reassured me that I was good enough. The constant reassurance combined with lust, lust that I'm almost positive had nothing to do with Lexi, made me slip up. The next day, I felt guilty, and I wanted to tell Rachel everything. When I went to tell her, the look on her face made me realize that she already knew.

I couldn't keep explaining the late nights, and the fact I smelt like someone else's perfume. Towards the end, I didn't try to hide it anymore. I wanted Rachel to scream at me, to show me that part of her still cared. In the end, I don't know whether Rachel didn't care, or she didn't want the reality to set in that once again I wasn't faithful.

"I just came to tell Kurt something, I didn't know I was interrupting", Rachel said as she started towards the door.

The hurt was probably very evident in my eyes, "You don't have to leave just because I'm here."

Rachel gave a slight smile in my direction, "You know, you're right. You might actually find this interesting, also. Do you guys remember Erica, that student of mine?"

Kurt and I both nodded with a slight response of, "Yeah".

"She gave me this look today, that I remembered vividly as the same look I gave Will back in the day. Remember when I had that weird crush on him", Rachel questioned with a little laugh.

Kurt laughed, "I knew it. She follows you around and always wants to sing a duet with you."

"What do you think Santana", Rachel looked over at me.

I smiled, "I knew it the day she came over that one time. The way she looked at you."

Erica looks at Rachel the way I did in Glee club, the sideway glances. The "I really like you" glance that can go unnoticed, especially if you mask it with some sort of insult. That's how it was in high school for me, that's how I was to Rachel. I was mostly angry for the amount of feelings I had for her, but that wasn't her fault. I just thought it was. In my head, I always thought I was supposed to end up with Brittany, we were both popular. It would have been easy, but Rachel changed me.

The day I let Rachel in was also the day I stopped caring about popularity and where it would get me. I only cared about pleasing her, and it scared me. Things that used to seem normal suddenly made no sense. I was a better person when I was with her, however cliché that sounds.

Today, I am left staring at the woman who changed my life, for the better. Rachel doesn't look at me the same, I should have expected that. I don't see the love in her eyes, and that scares me. Why? Because I'm not sure if she could ever really truly love me again, at least not like she used to.

**Rachel P.O.V.**

"Kurt, I have got to tell you-", I said with a slight knock on the door. I didn't notice Santana sitting on the couch or how deep in conversation they were before I interrupted.

"Oh, hey", I finally said while glancing in Santana's direction.

The silence is awkward and never ending, Santana doesn't look at me. She stares at her hands in her lap, almost like she's scared to make eye contact.

Before the silence can go any longer, I tell them about Erica. That glance she gave me reminded me of that weird crush I had on Will, I doubt he even remembers it.

Santana looks over at me, for the first time meeting my eyes. But there was something about the way she looked at me, almost like she was soaking in my presence. For a second, I thought I saw the old Santana in there, the one that used to look at me like I was the only girl in the world. The one that made me feel like I was special, the look that made my heart skip a beat.

"I knew it the day she came over that one time. The way she looked at you", Santana said with a smile, once again she was looking at her hands in her lap. Except this was different, it was like she was thinking about us. Maybe how we used to be, but we haven't been that way in a long time.

Without another word I glanced in Kurt's direction, "I will leave you guys to whatever you were talking about, and I will call you for dinner arrangements."

Before I was out the door I heard Santana stand, "Rach, wait up."

The door closed behind me, but I felt like I was glued to the ground. There was something in her voice that stopped me there, wanting to hear what she had to say.

"I miss you. At this point, I don't care if all we can be is friends. I miss you", Santana emphasized the last "you".

She didn't wait for me to respond, "In high school, I met a girl that changed my outlook on life. To her, I wasn't just the popular girl who was part of the cherrios, I was more. She believed in me, believed I could be something. I never felt that way without her. Rachel, I wouldn't be where I am today without you. I'm not going to ask for another chance, because you've given me way too many. I'm just asking you to stay in my life, because I can't be me without you."

I don't know what came over me, I don't know what it meant. One second, I didn't want to be anywhere near Santana, the next I was so close I could feel her breath on my lips.

"Rachel", Santana began, but I shook my head.

She started to close the distance, and I couldn't help but follow. The moment our lips met, I felt the sparks.

What am I doing? Why does she have such a powerful hold over me? I can't go back to someone I don't trust; I deserve better than that. But at this moment, with Santana's lips upon mine, I don't care about anything else. Just this moment and her.

_**Writer's note: Wow, it has been too long, but I guess this is what happens when you get writers block. I just recently decided I wanted to watch old Glee episodes again, and I got inspired to continue with this story. A lot is going to happen in the next chapter, there's a lot of things that still need to be addressed, plus there will be a surprise guest that comes to speak to both Rachel and Santana. I'll update soon. **_


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